Stupid Ming part 4

Another 22 years pass.......
Stupid ming was now 77 years old-so old

He had spent all his money and become a beggar that very years.

He sit down on a old small rugs , with a bowl infront of him.

A kind young man lives nearby and come across stupid ming.
he give him $50 per day when he goes to work.

A years later, the young man started only giving 25 dollar to stupid ming per day.
Another years later, the young man only give 10 dollar per day.
And finally, another and another years later, he only give 2 dollar per day.

Stupid ming feel very angry and one very 'fine' day, the young man was as usual to go for work.
stupid ming pull on his clothes and asked

"how come u giving me less and less money!~!~!"

"it is because the first year i have married and have a wife, one more person mean one more mouth to feed so i have to give you less in order to feed my wife and myself."

"Then how come u give me 10 dollar only!!!" snapped stupid ming.

"because i have a child the next year and i have to provide it milk, clothes and many other which cost quite a lot so i give u 10 dollar."

"And why did u only give me 2 dollar!!!!!!!!!!!!!"barked stupid ming,

"because i have another child the next year."

" WHY ARE U USING MY MONEY TO FEED YOUR FAMILY!!!!, u !@#$%" roared stupid ming

"???????" came the replied

Stupid Ming YOUTH part 4

From the basketball court came a 2.1m basketball player who is sweating a lot.

Beside him was one student and stupid ming..They started discussing why that 2.1m man was sweating so much.

A=the student , M= stupid ming.

A: tell me why that 2.1m man is sweating so much?

M:It is because he is so tall!

A: why does tall affect people sweating???

M:Because he is nearer to sun!!!

A: ?????

PTM- Parent-teacher-meeting

I was so worried the few days before as i only know some of my results but not all.
I was worried about what is my position in class, is it top5?, is it top 10? or even last few!
i was also worried about my level position, how did i score?top 10 ?top 40?last 40?
There are also more thing i worried about....

i was worried about my class and level position as

first am i losing to my friends or classmate?
second , Even if i am good enough to get top5 of my class, what if my class was only the average type class so i am worried about my level position.
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This Friday, i finally got back my report book.
i got to admit i am both impressed and happy that i got that kind of good marks.

But i will keep it as secret for now....
As i can use my results to exchange for your results, so i can know each other mark!!!

Sport carnival 2007- floorball 1st.

That day was a tired and fun day(the first 2 hour as i am having the floorball final)

The semi final- 2-0
Final- 2-0

i finally won the gold medal!
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Joke time,: a good horse

there is one student who wrote a wrong word in a sentence and his teacher scolded him.
S= student, T= teacher

S: what do u want from me?!, even a good horse were also fall down before....

T: what u said is not wrong but when a human use a whip and whip that kind of horse, the horse will pay attention and will never make the same mistake again.

S: BUT sometime , that kind of horse will kick that man who whip it in the nose!!!

Stupid ming YOUTH part 3

7 years old stupid ming found out that his father has a big batch of white hair so he asked,
"why did u have white hair???"

"my son so playful and naughter so my hair got more and more of white hair."

Stupid ming thought for a short moments and spoke," i think grandpa's son is also so naughter and playful so he got lot of white hair!"

Stupid ming YOUTH part 2

I join the inter-house-floorball.
And the results is :
( note* the results on the left is my team score)
first match against red house
second match against blue house
last match against green house

5:0- we won. i score 2 goal while another good player score 3.
1:1-A draw.my team score the goal in the last 20 sec before the game end
3 or 2 ( i forgot):1-we won. won by luck, the other team was skillful.

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Time for joke.

Ming's father just teached ming the word 'sky'
He wanted to test if ming remeber so he asked some question.

F= father, M=ming


F: what is on top of your head?

M: hair

F: what is on top of your hair?

M: rooftop

F: what is on top of it?

M: tiles( thing use to make roof top)

His father got very angry and barked

"stupid!!! u better look clearly what other thing is on top of the tiles?"

M: still got.......got birds flying....

F: U......u...u........

stupid ming YOUTH

teacher: ming, C-A-t is what word?

Ming: i don't know.

teacher: what does your mum use to caught mouse?

Ming: mouse traps

teacher: no! no! , which animal love to drink milk?

ming: A baby

teacher: u are so stupid, what thing snatch your sister's face?

ming: my fingernail.

Teacher: Don't test my Patience! see the courtyard and tell me what aniaml did u see!

ming: small cat

*( note CAT is cat in english not small cat)

teacher: u.........u......u...

* this is taken from a book

My results

After 13 joke, i am writing a new post about myself.
My mid year exam is finally over a few days ago.
Now i know a few of my results.

Eng, 61, B4

Sci, 63, B4

Math, 75.8 , A1

Chinese, 78, A1

History, 81 , A1

Lit, 68.5/75 = 91/100, A1

Home e , cooking, unknown.

After reading all the 13 joke which included long and short joke / story, i wish to ask some feedback/ comments from all of you,
Do u like long ( 13 to 23 lines) , short ( 4 to 12 lines) or very long ( 23 and above lines) story/ joke better??? , u may tag it at the tag board. Thank you.

memory is too poor

one farmer walked home from a market one day.on the way he feel that there is something he forgot to do but whatever he think, he could not remember what is the thing he forgot.
He get more and more worried on the way home. He stopped five times on the road to open he diary to see what he had forgotten to do but he found out he had done everythiny.

Before long, he reach home. His daughter come out to welcome him. The daughter looked sad spoke," father, where have u left mum ??? she is not back home!"

this is taken from a book

write wrongly

son: the teacher said my compo write too far( write wrongly) from the tittle.

father: i thought the compo ( my father) was written by me a few days ago.

son: the bigger problem is it told me to write my father but u wrote my grandfather which is your father but not my!!!

taken form a book

dumb and dumbier

Two rich man were talking, name A and B

Suddenly, A said ," my driver is so dumb!"

B replied,"no way!, my driver is then the most dumb person!!!"

A barked," my driver is the most dumb!"

B snapped," i bet a 1000 dollar my is the most dumb!"

A roared," i accept the bet!!!"

B ," i will prove it!!!"

B," Ah beng come here!!!!"

Ah beng," yes , my master."

B," here is 10 dollar , go to the car showroom and buy me a (a car brand worth at least 60000 dollar)

Ah beng," yes sir right away sir!"

Then ah beng rush off.

A laughted and said," your driver is only dumb but my is most dumb, i will prove it!"

A roared," Ah seng come here!!!"

ah seng ," yes sir."

A ordered," ah seng rush back to my house to see if i am at home!!!"

ah seng replied," yes sir , right away sir!"

B said," ok, u won the 1000 dollar, i accept that i lose."

Then both of them laughted a lot.

Mean while, ah beng and ah seng met on the road while they were doing their mission.

Ah beng spoke,' u know my boss the most dumb, today sunday car showroom not open, he want me buy a car, so dumb!"

Ah seng said," that is nothing! my boss the most dumb, he tell me to go to his house to see if he at home, he got handphone don't know how to call back to see if he at home!!!"

Stupid Ming part 3

pls read " the boy who was kick out of school after two days" and " stupid ming part 2"

33 years pass....

stupid ming is now 55 years old
after so many years his talking illness is not 100% cure so he too have problem speaking...

One day, he went to a shopping mall to shop.
First he went to a cooking equipment stall. he wanted to buy a frying pan
and shouted," i want a pants( trousers) , i want a pants"

The shop assistant think fot a while and said ," u want a pan!"

"right!" snapped ming

the shop assistant took a shiny frying pan and let ming see.
ming buy it and walked out of the shop.

stupid ming and a pet dog at home. he decided to but a bun.
he walked into a bread shop and barked,"i want a butt, i want a butt!"

everyone inside was shocked and feeling ??????
the shop assistant think for 5 min before saying," i know, u want a bun!"

"right" snapped ming

the shop assistant took a big bun and let him see. ming buy it and walked away.
suddenly , ming think that he lack of clock.So he walked into a clock shop and barked," i want a cork , i want a cork!!!"

"what???"asked the person in charge.

" Cork!!!!"ming snapped

the person think for 10 min and hand ming a small colourful clock.
ming buy it and went home.

he was on his way home when a old lady stopped him and asked
," may i know the time now???"

Ming said," ok, pls hold my pants( pan) and butt( bun) while i take my cork(clock) out."

" lecher !!!@#$!%" shouted the old lady. she then slapped stupid ming two time and ran away.

" what did i do wrong???"ming asked

????????????????????

Stupid Ming Part 2

Pls read " the boy who was kick out of school after two days" post as this is the continued story.

About 15 years later....

Stupid ming was 23 years old.

One day, he found out he got a illness that make he unable to speak.

After 2 year of treatment, he was 50% heal. He could only speak like,"you...you..you".speaking the same word over and over again for at least 2 times.

One day, stupid ming was feeling boring. he walked out of the hospital.

He went to a flashlight to buy a flashlight.

But stupid ming know flashlight as torchlight.

He spoke to the boss(a women)," i want tor...tor...torc..torch"

But due to speaking problem, the lady heard "i want to touch"(he want to speak torch)

Immediately she slapped stupid ming.stupid ming ran out.

Soon he was hungry.he booked a table at a hotel.

Soon he reached that hotel.

He spoke to a waitress but she does not understand.

so stupid ming said ," i want to see your man....man...man"( he want to speak manager)

The lady thought that he was finding his boyfriend. She called him here.

The man spoke ," you want to see me?!?!"

Stupid ming said," i bo...boo..."( wanted to said booked)

but was heard as box, mean punch

The man said ," what u want to box!!!No respect for me"
he then give him a big punch, saying," here is yr punch!!"

Stupid ming was afraid and ran away.

He hungry as he did not eat breakfast and lunch.

He walked and walked and walked to greylang in mistake.

he saw a chicken rice stall.

he ordered a plate of chicken.

Beside the stall was a brothel.

Stupid ming waited and shouted," i want chicken! i want chicken!"

Last time, chicken mean" woman in brothel"

the boss of the brothel heard ming and bring out a woman.

Stupid ming was very hungry and shouted,' i want chicken i want chicken!!,more chicken!!"

Stupid ming kept on shouting until the whole of the woman was brought out of the brothel by the boss.

The boss got angry and took out the bill.

He went to ming, and spoke," do u know how much is it???"

stupid ming took out the menu from the table and spoke," it is 2.50 dollar."

the boss got so angry and shouted,"it cost 7777!"

" why so expensive???" asked ming

" u see there , there are 50 woman there@!#$%!"

"i did not ordered" said ming

" wasted my time U !@#$%!" barked the boss and beaten ming up.

" what wrong did i do???" asked ming

The three swordman.....

This happened in China....

The swordman met at a inn.

ALL of them boasted to be the best swordman in China.
Let call them A, b and c swordman

A swordman said: I am best in the whole China....

as he spoke one housefly flew pass.

He saw it and immediately he took he sword and cut the flying housefly into two, and the two housefly body drop onto the table. Everyone looked closely on the table with the body.

"wow!" said one of the crowd.

"u are worthy to be the best swordman of China." said another.

A swordman said " thank you thank you, all of u are so kind, that was nothing."

B swordman barked " i agree that was Nothing to be boasted!!!"

"what skill do u have?' asked one

" Show us what u can do before u boasted." said another

Just then another housefly flew pass

Immediatly, B swordman took his sword and slice the flying housefly into four, and the four body of the houselfy drop onto the table.Everyone looked closly on the table.

"WOW!" shouted one

"U are worthy being the best swordman in China."

B swordman spoke,"that was nothing."

C swordman snapped," yea, that was nothing to be proud of"

"prove to us" said one

"don't be so proud" said another.

Just then another poor little housefly flew pass.

Immediatley, C swordman took his sword and slice it.

But the housefly flew pass him unhurt???

"See he is nothing to be proud of" said one

"no skill but still boasted" said another

C swordman then roared," even thought it was unhurt outside, it was hurt inside!"

"where???" asked one

Being nevrous, C swordman shouted" the housefly was a female..."

"so what with a female housefly???"

C swordman shouted," i slice it and it is now no longer able to reproduce!!!!"

A warning....

At the pertol station there is a funny warning.

All of u know smoker still smoke at the pertol station, which is very dangerous as it may cause
Explosion

So the station people put up different poster like
"pls do not smoke as it may cause Explosion"
"if u smoke here u will be fined $$$"
"pls do not smoke as it may kill both you and me"
to tell smoker not to smoke in the station as it is dangerous but it was useless, everything fail.

So one smart guy( i don't know who) put up some warning poster around the station to warn the smoker not to smoke.he wrote :

"If u want to cause a explsion pls smoke here,
but pls leave yr address down before u smoke
so we can sent yr ASHES back to yr family."

Soon less and less people smoke at the pertol station.
.................
This joke is taken from a book.

the key and the kiss

Two robber were thinking of robbing a rich family.
One day they managed to get hold of the rich family's key.
They waited for everyone to go away from the house.

Soon, the house empty.

The two robber moved to the big gate of the house.

The leader of the robber spoke,
" Give me the keys"

the other robber heard, " give me the "kiss" "

"kiss?" replied the robber.

"yes the keys, faster."

"really???"

"yes! you stupid guy!"

"okay" replied the robber

The robber give the leader a kiss....

" what is that for!!! @#!$%!!!" roared the leader

the leader give him a slap.

"Now be serious!!! give me the keys" shouted the leader

Once again he heard "kiss"

"kiss???" he asked

" yes!!! @#!$%!!!" barked the leader

Again, the robber kiss the leader.

" what do u think u are doing!!! i said give me the keys!!! @#!$% !!!!" roared the leader

After he spoke, he beat the robber

The robber said," but u said give me the kiss...why did u beat me???"

"U !!!! @#!$% !!!!, i said keys!"

the robber finally know what he mean give him the keys.

BUT at that moment, a police was moving around here and saw them ,
he barked ," what do u think u are doing !!! stop it right there!"

The two robber was caught.

The leader then whispered to himslef ," it is all that !!! @#!% !!!! fault."

Name that will cause problem

There will three brother name, stupid,trouble and manner.

All of them live in a small hut.

One very "fine" day, trouble went to the forest to chop wood to sell.

One hour later....
he was still not at home.
stupid was very worried.

two hours later....
He was still not at home
stupid was very very worried and could not sit down, he kept walking around

TEN hours later....
He was still not at home!!!
Manner was so worried that he had a stomachache and went to the toliet.
Stupid was also very very very very very very very very very and very worried
and he went to the POLICE station.

Soon he reached the police station...

A police asked," what is your name?"

Stupid replied," stupid"

The police asked again," what is your name?"

"stupid!" said stupid who was worried about trouble.

" WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" roared the police

" STUPID! STUPID!STUPID!" shouted stupid getting a little angry.

"Do u have manner?!" snapped the police.

"i have manner..." stupid said but before he finish, the police cut in.

" Where is your MANNER???!!!" roared the police

"In the toliet." repiled stupid

" what is it doing in the toliet?" snapped the police.

"It is having a stomachaches!" shouted stupid as he was getting more angry.

"Having stomachaches???!!!, trying to fool a three year old kid!" roared the police.

"It is having STOMACHACHES!!!" shouted stupid getting more and more angry.

" ARE U LOOKING FOR TROUBLE !!!!!!!!!!" roared the police.
It was a scolding but stupid thought he was asking a question like...

"ARE U LOOKING FOR TROUBLE??????"

Almost immediately stupid replied,

" How do u know i am looking for "trouble'?"

the police getting very angry kicked stupid out of the station and shouted this to him,

"U are STUPID!, Whose MANNER is IN THE TOLIET!, WHO is LOOKING for TROUBLE!!!"

"U are totally right!" shouted stupid happily and asked,

"If u know everything, why did u kicked me out???"

"Shut up!" roared the police and slam the door closed.

Until now, stupid did not know why did the police kicked him out.
Can u help him???

The boy who was kicked out of school after two days

It was one fine day in jan 2 2007. All k2 students went to their own pri school. One IQ low student, name ming but was nicknamed stupid ming, went to xxx pri school.

The first lesson was math lesson. The math teacher wanted to know the student' math standrad so she wrote on the whiteboard some question from 1 + 1 to 1 + 7?"

Stupid ming rise up his hand eagerly. The teacher told him to answer. BUT he spoke....
" I do not know the answer now but i will go home and find out."

The teacher said okay

Soon he reached home. First he went to his father and asked" what is 1 + 1=?"
His father was reading the newpaper and shouted

"Shut up! I am reading my newpaper!"

Stupid ming thinking it was the correct answer record it down.

Then he went to asked his mother, " what is 1+2= ?"
His mother was singing and sing out,

" 我最爱你!" /" i love u very much!"

Once again, he thought it was the " correct" answer and record it down

Then he went to his elder brother and asked," what is 1+3= ?
His brother was reading a comic and happily shouted out,

"Superman superman Go! go! "

Once and once again, he thought it was the "correct" answer and record it down.

He went to his cousin who is in the toliet "doing big businese" and asked," what is 1+4=?"
His cousin was singing and sing out,

" in the toliet in the toliet"

Once and once and once again, he thought it was the "correct" answer and record it down.

He went to his grandfather who was watching the horse race and asked," what is 1+5=?"
His grandfather bet on the winning horse and he shouted out,

" Hooary hooary!"

Once and once and once and once again, he thought it was the "correct" answer and record down

He went to his grandmother who is on the new massage chair and asked" what is 1+6=?
His grandmother was enjoying herself and spoke,

"waa so NICE, I like it!"

Once and once and once and once and once again, he thought it was the "correct" answer and he... u know what...

He went to his aunt who is a little "crazy" was praying, and asked,' what is 1+7=?"
His aunt was praying and spoke out,

"你再打我，我就打死你!" / "if u beat me i will beat u until u die!"

Once and once and once and once and once and once again, he thought....u know what and do u know what.....

Okay, he thought all was the "correct" answer and memories all of them....

Soon it was in the morning.....

Soon Stupid ming was in the classroom....

The teacher once again asked," what is 1+1?"

Once again, Stupid ming raised his hand eagerly. The teacher asked him to answer.
Remember what happened yesterday, stupid ming shouted,

"Shut up! I am reading my newspaper !"

The teacher was surprised and scolding him,

" Where is your manner?"

Stupid ming shouted," 我最爱你!" / " i love u very much!"

"Ming, I am going to bring u to the principal office!"

Stupid ming happily spoke," Superman superman! Go! go!"

Soon they reached the office...

The principal asked," Where do u live ?"

"In the toliet, in the toliet" came the replied

" I am going to Cane u!" Roar the principal

"Hooary ! Hooary! Hooary!" Stupid ming shouted

The teacher cane him but unexpectedly...

" Waa so NICE , I like it!"

The teacher raised the cane and wanted to cane him when he spoke,

" 你再打我，我就打死你!" / " if u beat me, i will beat u until u die!"

The principal was so angry that he call the Securityguard to kick the Stupid ming out of the school!!!

The loss trade

B robot = a robot invented by human
J = jack, a young boy on a mission
k = karen, a young girl on a mission
JM = jungle man , a old man who live at m and b planet


N: Ten thousand years from now, technology has improved a lot. The Earth was unified by someone. People had also become ambition and they decided to take over the whole Galaxy. Young people aged 20 were sent for mission, to find new planets. Karen and Jack were sent for the mission

B robot: Oh no! Engine had lost control! We are crashing! (Keep pressing a button but did not work)

J: (come out of his room) what the heaven is happening?

K: Engine down! The ship is crashing!

B robot: prepared your vacuums suits! We must jump now!

J: (pulling the robot) stop talking! We must jump down now!

N: they jumped in time and landed in a tree
J: are all of you all right?

K: (using her hand touching her head) yeah, I am all right

B robot: I think I am all right

N: But all of them did not know the robot had been infected with virus. Just then the jungle man came.

JM: Who are you? Why are you here?

J: hey do you think me the rank of elite soldier will want….want to be in this dirty and scary place!

B robot: Yeah I agree, it is so scary, I want to go home!!!

N: the robot suddenly speaks nonsense because of virus.

B robot: what is 1 + 1???

JM: I know, I know, it is 2, it is 2

B robot: haha you are so stupid! It is 3

N: jack hit the robot head

K: I am sorry; we are stuck here as our ship crashed

B robot: Where am I???

JM: you are in the t……..

B robot: (cutting in) I know I am in the toilets, in the toilets.

K: do you have a place that we can stay for a few days?

JM: yes but it is for three people only

B robot: (suddenly all right) no problem (with a evil smile)

N: the jungle man led the way

B robot: one person had to sleep outside! Haha1!

J: don’t be too happy yet, according to our voting, you are the one sleeping outside.

B robot: no! (Kneeling down with hand on head)

K: I am hungry. Is there anything to eat?

JM: I think we have to eat plants and fruits only

J: why??? Meat is needed for energy and …. And

B robot: I need my GOLDEN banana oil for fuel

JM: this place has a Monkey King. He ordered no one to eat any animal or his banana or else face the music of death

B robot: No worries, it is just a tiny small little monkey

JM: the Monkey King is very well known for his combat skill, his ability to speak human language and had an army of ten over thousand battle monkey.

J: have skill? Speak? Had army of monkey??? So ridiculous

K: I think we and reach a planets named M and B land, Monkey and banana land

JM: you are right

B robot: that means that means no GOLDEN banana oil, no fuel, and no!!!!

N: all of them rested for the night. And soon woke up.

J: Oi, bub the robot, where is my gun???

N: there is no reply. Jack search for him and found a note written ‘Sorry, I took your gun. But I have no choice as I need GOLDEN banana oil for fuel. I have almost run out of it. I had gone further into the jungle for banana. Wait for my return, I will be BACK!’

J: what a stupid robot! He still claim have a IQ of 199.

JM: we need to find him first before the battle monkey

K: let go

N: after a few hours, they found a robot from a distance. He near a monkey beside a banana tree.

J: we found a robot but I think he is already in hot soup

K: who is the monkey beside bub the robot, he worn a crown

JM: OMG, oh my god, it the mighty Monkey King. He is in boiling oily hot soup.

B robot: surrender the banana tree or I will fire

N: the Monkey King shakes his head. Looked like it is saying you are going down. They started fight and was hit badly.

B robot: I am sorry

MK: ( take a banana) if you want the banana, let trade

B robot: okay what does u want???

MK: I want your gun

B robot: what! No Way! It is day light robbery. According to math I lost more than one thousand dollar per gun trade

MK: (moved his fist) you want to continue our business here

B robot: okay, okay. I had enough of the beating. I agree

N: just then, Karen’s mini computer came back to live. The caption said “how are your? Where are your?

K: we are on M and B land. The robot had started trading with them a gun for a banana

N: “what” the captain shouted, he continued “Although it is a loss but as least we do not need to fight a war. Oh, a rescue team is coming soon.

J: yes we are going to be safe!

N: the rescue team reached

K: goodbye

J: I will miss you

JM: Bye

N: they reached Earth. The president personally presents an award to jack, Karen and the robot. Actually, the president was worried as M and B land may attack them and cause a lot suffering. Bub the robot becomes famous since then as he had solved the problem. It is a blessing in disguise

The potato man .....

long long ago there was three mischievous boy.
One day, one of them suggested ,"let us go and steal Mr bone farmer's vegetable, it was said that his vegetable was big and round, good for a meal!"
They sneaked into his farm land.
They started pulling vegetable out.
The farmer said it and yelled," what the hell are u doing in my farm land!!!"
The three boy panic and ran into a out house nearby and hid into three empty sack nearby.

The farmer soon reached the old house and saw the three usual big sacks.
He walked toward there and used his a brown, old and long wooden stick to poke the first sack.
Here came the repiled:
"Woof! woof woof!!!"

"oh it is a dog" the farmer muttered to himself

Once again, he used his long wooden stick and poke on the second sack.
Here cam the replied:
" Meow! meow meow!"

"oh it is a cat" the farmer muttered to himself once again.

Finally he used his long wooden stick and poke on the last sack.
Runing out of idea the last boy have a idea when he saw a potato beside and spoke

" Potato! potato potato!"

"trying to fool me, i am not a three year old kid!" roared the farmer

immediately, he turned the sack upside down and the" potato man" was caught!

WHO do u think is more foolish???