Monday, April 30, 2007

The three swordman.....

This happened in China....

The swordman met at a inn.

ALL of them boasted to be the best swordman in China.
Let call them A, b and c swordman

A swordman said: I am best in the whole China....

as he spoke one housefly flew pass.

He saw it and immediately he took he sword and cut the flying housefly into two, and the two housefly body drop onto the table. Everyone looked closely on the table with the body.

"wow!" said one of the crowd.

"u are worthy to be the best swordman of China." said another.

A swordman said " thank you thank you, all of u are so kind, that was nothing."

B swordman barked " i agree that was Nothing to be boasted!!!"

"what skill do u have?' asked one

" Show us what u can do before u boasted." said another

Just then another housefly flew pass

Immediatly, B swordman took his sword and slice the flying housefly into four, and the four body of the houselfy drop onto the table.Everyone looked closly on the table.

"WOW!" shouted one

"U are worthy being the best swordman in China."

B swordman spoke,"that was nothing."

C swordman snapped," yea, that was nothing to be proud of"

"prove to us" said one

"don't be so proud" said another.

Just then another poor little housefly flew pass.

Immediatley, C swordman took his sword and slice it.

But the housefly flew pass him unhurt???

"See he is nothing to be proud of" said one

"no skill but still boasted" said another

C swordman then roared," even thought it was unhurt outside, it was hurt inside!"

"where???" asked one

Being nevrous, C swordman shouted" the housefly was a female..."

"so what with a female housefly???"

C swordman shouted," i slice it and it is now no longer able to reproduce!!!!"

Saturday, April 28, 2007

A warning....

At the pertol station there is a funny warning.

All of u know smoker still smoke at the pertol station, which is very dangerous as it may cause
Explosion

So the station people put up different poster like
"pls do not smoke as it may cause Explosion"
"if u smoke here u will be fined $$$"
"pls do not smoke as it may kill both you and me"
to tell smoker not to smoke in the station as it is dangerous but it was useless, everything fail.

So one smart guy( i don't know who) put up some warning poster around the station to warn the smoker not to smoke.he wrote :

"If u want to cause a explsion pls smoke here,
but pls leave yr address down before u smoke
so we can sent yr ASHES back to yr family."

Soon less and less people smoke at the pertol station.
.................
This joke is taken from a book.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

the key and the kiss

Two robber were thinking of robbing a rich family.
One day they managed to get hold of the rich family's key.
They waited for everyone to go away from the house.

Soon, the house empty.

The two robber moved to the big gate of the house.

The leader of the robber spoke,
" Give me the keys"

the other robber heard, " give me the "kiss" "

"kiss?" replied the robber.

"yes the keys, faster."

"really???"

"yes! you stupid guy!"

"okay" replied the robber

The robber give the leader a kiss....

" what is that for!!! @#!$%!!!" roared the leader

the leader give him a slap.

"Now be serious!!! give me the keys" shouted the leader

Once again he heard "kiss"

"kiss???" he asked

" yes!!! @#!$%!!!" barked the leader

Again, the robber kiss the leader.

" what do u think u are doing!!! i said give me the keys!!! @#!$% !!!!" roared the leader

After he spoke, he beat the robber

The robber said," but u said give me the kiss...why did u beat me???"

"U !!!! @#!$% !!!!, i said keys!"

the robber finally know what he mean give him the keys.

BUT at that moment, a police was moving around here and saw them ,
he barked ," what do u think u are doing !!! stop it right there!"

The two robber was caught.

The leader then whispered to himslef ," it is all that !!! @#!% !!!! fault."

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Name that will cause problem

There will three brother name, stupid,trouble and manner.

All of them live in a small hut.

One very "fine" day, trouble went to the forest to chop wood to sell.

One hour later....
he was still not at home.
stupid was very worried.

two hours later....
He was still not at home
stupid was very very worried and could not sit down, he kept walking around

TEN hours later....
He was still not at home!!!
Manner was so worried that he had a stomachache and went to the toliet.
Stupid was also very very very very very very very very very and very worried
and he went to the POLICE station.

Soon he reached the police station...

A police asked," what is your name?"

Stupid replied," stupid"

The police asked again," what is your name?"

"stupid!" said stupid who was worried about trouble.

" WHAT IS YOUR NAME?" roared the police

" STUPID! STUPID!STUPID!" shouted stupid getting a little angry.

"Do u have manner?!" snapped the police.

"i have manner..." stupid said but before he finish, the police cut in.

" Where is your MANNER???!!!" roared the police

"In the toliet." repiled stupid

" what is it doing in the toliet?" snapped the police.

"It is having a stomachaches!" shouted stupid as he was getting more angry.

"Having stomachaches???!!!, trying to fool a three year old kid!" roared the police.

"It is having STOMACHACHES!!!" shouted stupid getting more and more angry.

" ARE U LOOKING FOR TROUBLE !!!!!!!!!!" roared the police.
It was a scolding but stupid thought he was asking a question like...

"ARE U LOOKING FOR TROUBLE??????"

Almost immediately stupid replied,

" How do u know i am looking for "trouble'?"

the police getting very angry kicked stupid out of the station and shouted this to him,

"U are STUPID!, Whose MANNER is IN THE TOLIET!, WHO is LOOKING for TROUBLE!!!"

"U are totally right!" shouted stupid happily and asked,

"If u know everything, why did u kicked me out???"

"Shut up!" roared the police and slam the door closed.

Until now, stupid did not know why did the police kicked him out.
Can u help him???

Friday, April 20, 2007

The boy who was kicked out of school after two days

It was one fine day in jan 2 2007. All k2 students went to their own pri school. One IQ low student, name ming but was nicknamed stupid ming, went to xxx pri school.

The first lesson was math lesson. The math teacher wanted to know the student' math standrad so she wrote on the whiteboard some question from 1 + 1 to 1 + 7?"

Stupid ming rise up his hand eagerly. The teacher told him to answer. BUT he spoke....
" I do not know the answer now but i will go home and find out."

The teacher said okay

Soon he reached home. First he went to his father and asked" what is 1 + 1=?"
His father was reading the newpaper and shouted

"Shut up! I am reading my newpaper!"

Stupid ming thinking it was the correct answer record it down.

Then he went to asked his mother, " what is 1+2= ?"
His mother was singing and sing out,

" 我最爱你!" /" i love u very much!"

Once again, he thought it was the " correct" answer and record it down

Then he went to his elder brother and asked," what is 1+3= ?
His brother was reading a comic and happily shouted out,

"Superman superman Go! go! "

Once and once again, he thought it was the "correct" answer and record it down.

He went to his cousin who is in the toliet "doing big businese" and asked," what is 1+4=?"
His cousin was singing and sing out,

" in the toliet in the toliet"

Once and once and once again, he thought it was the "correct" answer and record it down.

He went to his grandfather who was watching the horse race and asked," what is 1+5=?"
His grandfather bet on the winning horse and he shouted out,

" Hooary hooary!"

Once and once and once and once again, he thought it was the "correct" answer and record down

He went to his grandmother who is on the new massage chair and asked" what is 1+6=?
His grandmother was enjoying herself and spoke,

"waa so NICE, I like it!"

Once and once and once and once and once again, he thought it was the "correct" answer and he... u know what...

He went to his aunt who is a little "crazy" was praying, and asked,' what is 1+7=?"
His aunt was praying and spoke out,

"你再打我,我就打死你!" / "if u beat me i will beat u until u die!"

Once and once and once and once and once and once again, he thought....u know what and do u know what.....

Okay, he thought all was the "correct" answer and memories all of them....

Soon it was in the morning.....

Soon Stupid ming was in the classroom....

The teacher once again asked," what is 1+1?"

Once again, Stupid ming raised his hand eagerly. The teacher asked him to answer.
Remember what happened yesterday, stupid ming shouted,

"Shut up! I am reading my newspaper !"

The teacher was surprised and scolding him,

" Where is your manner?"

Stupid ming shouted," 我最爱你!" / " i love u very much!"

"Ming, I am going to bring u to the principal office!"

Stupid ming happily spoke," Superman superman! Go! go!"

Soon they reached the office...

The principal asked," Where do u live ?"

"In the toliet, in the toliet" came the replied

" I am going to Cane u!" Roar the principal

"Hooary ! Hooary! Hooary!" Stupid ming shouted

The teacher cane him but unexpectedly...

" Waa so NICE , I like it!"

The teacher raised the cane and wanted to cane him when he spoke,

" 你再打我,我就打死你!" / " if u beat me, i will beat u until u die!"

The principal was so angry that he call the Securityguard to kick the Stupid ming out of the school!!!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The loss trade

B robot = a robot invented by human
J = jack, a young boy on a mission
k = karen, a young girl on a mission
JM = jungle man , a old man who live at m and b planet


N: Ten thousand years from now, technology has improved a lot. The Earth was unified by someone. People had also become ambition and they decided to take over the whole Galaxy. Young people aged 20 were sent for mission, to find new planets. Karen and Jack were sent for the mission

B robot: Oh no! Engine had lost control! We are crashing! (Keep pressing a button but did not work)

J: (come out of his room) what the heaven is happening?

K: Engine down! The ship is crashing!

B robot: prepared your vacuums suits! We must jump now!

J: (pulling the robot) stop talking! We must jump down now!

N: they jumped in time and landed in a tree
J: are all of you all right?

K: (using her hand touching her head) yeah, I am all right

B robot: I think I am all right

N: But all of them did not know the robot had been infected with virus. Just then the jungle man came.

JM: Who are you? Why are you here?

J: hey do you think me the rank of elite soldier will want….want to be in this dirty and scary place!

B robot: Yeah I agree, it is so scary, I want to go home!!!

N: the robot suddenly speaks nonsense because of virus.

B robot: what is 1 + 1???

JM: I know, I know, it is 2, it is 2

B robot: haha you are so stupid! It is 3

N: jack hit the robot head

K: I am sorry; we are stuck here as our ship crashed

B robot: Where am I???

JM: you are in the t……..

B robot: (cutting in) I know I am in the toilets, in the toilets.

K: do you have a place that we can stay for a few days?

JM: yes but it is for three people only

B robot: (suddenly all right) no problem (with a evil smile)

N: the jungle man led the way

B robot: one person had to sleep outside! Haha1!

J: don’t be too happy yet, according to our voting, you are the one sleeping outside.

B robot: no! (Kneeling down with hand on head)

K: I am hungry. Is there anything to eat?

JM: I think we have to eat plants and fruits only

J: why??? Meat is needed for energy and …. And

B robot: I need my GOLDEN banana oil for fuel

JM: this place has a Monkey King. He ordered no one to eat any animal or his banana or else face the music of death

B robot: No worries, it is just a tiny small little monkey

JM: the Monkey King is very well known for his combat skill, his ability to speak human language and had an army of ten over thousand battle monkey.

J: have skill? Speak? Had army of monkey??? So ridiculous

K: I think we and reach a planets named M and B land, Monkey and banana land

JM: you are right

B robot: that means that means no GOLDEN banana oil, no fuel, and no!!!!

N: all of them rested for the night. And soon woke up.

J: Oi, bub the robot, where is my gun???

N: there is no reply. Jack search for him and found a note written ‘Sorry, I took your gun. But I have no choice as I need GOLDEN banana oil for fuel. I have almost run out of it. I had gone further into the jungle for banana. Wait for my return, I will be BACK!’

J: what a stupid robot! He still claim have a IQ of 199.

JM: we need to find him first before the battle monkey

K: let go

N: after a few hours, they found a robot from a distance. He near a monkey beside a banana tree.

J: we found a robot but I think he is already in hot soup

K: who is the monkey beside bub the robot, he worn a crown

JM: OMG, oh my god, it the mighty Monkey King. He is in boiling oily hot soup.

B robot: surrender the banana tree or I will fire

N: the Monkey King shakes his head. Looked like it is saying you are going down. They started fight and was hit badly.

B robot: I am sorry

MK: ( take a banana) if you want the banana, let trade

B robot: okay what does u want???

MK: I want your gun

B robot: what! No Way! It is day light robbery. According to math I lost more than one thousand dollar per gun trade

MK: (moved his fist) you want to continue our business here

B robot: okay, okay. I had enough of the beating. I agree

N: just then, Karen’s mini computer came back to live. The caption said “how are your? Where are your?

K: we are on M and B land. The robot had started trading with them a gun for a banana

N: “what” the captain shouted, he continued “Although it is a loss but as least we do not need to fight a war. Oh, a rescue team is coming soon.

J: yes we are going to be safe!

N: the rescue team reached

K: goodbye

J: I will miss you

JM: Bye

N: they reached Earth. The president personally presents an award to jack, Karen and the robot. Actually, the president was worried as M and B land may attack them and cause a lot suffering. Bub the robot becomes famous since then as he had solved the problem. It is a blessing in disguise

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

The potato man .....

long long ago there was three mischievous boy.
One day, one of them suggested ,"let us go and steal Mr bone farmer's vegetable, it was said that his vegetable was big and round, good for a meal!"
They sneaked into his farm land.
They started pulling vegetable out.
The farmer said it and yelled," what the hell are u doing in my farm land!!!"
The three boy panic and ran into a out house nearby and hid into three empty sack nearby.

The farmer soon reached the old house and saw the three usual big sacks.
He walked toward there and used his a brown, old and long wooden stick to poke the first sack.
Here came the repiled:
"Woof! woof woof!!!"

"oh it is a dog" the farmer muttered to himself

Once again, he used his long wooden stick and poke on the second sack.
Here cam the replied:
" Meow! meow meow!"

"oh it is a cat" the farmer muttered to himself once again.

Finally he used his long wooden stick and poke on the last sack.
Runing out of idea the last boy have a idea when he saw a potato beside and spoke

" Potato! potato potato!"

"trying to fool me, i am not a three year old kid!" roared the farmer

immediately, he turned the sack upside down and the" potato man" was caught!

WHO do u think is more foolish???

Saturday, April 7, 2007

The six cunning scientist and six poor doctor

here is a funny joke that happened many years ago

six scientists and six doctor will invite to Amercian for a nation meeting.
The six scientists met the six doctor in the train for tthe meeting.
suddenly, the six scientists spoke to the doctor
" Do you believe that the six of us can use only one ticket for this trip?"
" we do not believe, what u said is imposible!" came the replied.
' Just wait and see ,doctors"
" bong bong bong" came a sound, it was the walking sound of the ticket collecter.
The six scientists went into a toilets together and make sound like one person is having stomachache
" knock knock" the ticket collector knock on the toliets door.
one scientists pulled out a ticket with his hand shaking
the ticket collector really thought there were one person only in the toliet.
the six doctor saw what happened and talk among themselves," let us follow the scientist method when we return from the meeting ....."

Soon, the meeting was over.
the six scientist and six doctor met again on the train back.
they talk again.
" scientists, we now only one ticket for six people."
" Doctor, you are all so stupid, we only need 0 ticket for this trip"
" What!" came back the replied
"bong bong bong!"came a sound, it was the walking sound of the ticket collector
both group of scientist and doctor went into 2 toliets, each with six people.
both started making stomachache sound.
one scientist quickly went out of his toliet and knock on the toliet door with the doctor
the doctor were tricked and pulled out the ticket.
the scientist took the ticket and went back his toliets
the ticket collector knock onto the toliets door with scientist
they used their same method and tricked the ticket collector
this time the ticket collector knock onto the doctor toliet door.
the doctors felt surprised and opened the door. the ticket collector saw the six of them hiding inside and felt very angry.
He kicked them off board
poor thing for the doctor don't u think so
until now tthe doctors still do not know where did it go wrong....